So I've decided to write about my childhood. I don't consider it especially exciting, but I want to write it down before I forget it. If you want to read along, that would be ok too.
This is the first installment. Everything may not come in order, since I will probably remember stuff later that belong at the beginning.
Part 1
I will tell you about my earliest memory: it’s 1978, and being four, I didn’t know where babies came from. So when they brought my brother, Paul, home, I didn’t really know what to make of the whole situation. He was tiny and angry and red, and the crying bought him my parents fussing and paying all of their attention to him, and of course I resented it.
We lived in Ft. Bragg, North Carolina, my dad was in the Army, I don’t know what he did there. My parents were little more than kids themselves, and were living on a shoestring budget, my mom not working, and my dad on a private’s salary. At the time, though, I suppose we were happy enough. I have only vaguest recollections, and sometimes it’s hard to separate real memories from things my mom told me over the years.
I call my mother mama when I am talking to her, and even though it’s southern and funny sounding if you didn’t grow up here, it’s the only way I can think of her. Back then, she was young and fresh-faced, the product of a Boston-Catholic and Southern Baptist. Her Dad died not too many years before I was born, in Vietnam.
At some point, my Dad met a woman in the Army; her name was Charlene. She was a supply clerk I think, and I can remember a couple of visits when she would give me syrupy fruit in c-ration cans. Those were my favorite, so of course I liked her. My dad was cheating on my mom, and I can still remember crying when he was laying his clothes on the bed to pack them up and leave. He’s taking his uniforms out of the closet to pack them up, and there aren’t going to be anymore nights sitting in the living room watching TV. No more Hogan’s Heroes, no more Hawaii 5-0 and Doritos on the couch, my mom complaining that she hates the smell of Doritos, and can’t we eat something else?
Then he’s gone, there are not so many fights, anymore. My mom and Paul and I move back to Waycross, and drive around in our hatchback Chevy Nova. We sing at the top of our lungs to Linda Rondstadt and Gloria Gaynor. It’s then that I realize I have favorite songs. On a trip somewhere, and I am punching the channel presets on the radio. They make a big cha-chunk before there are digital tuners, and there's noise, and then it’s the next station. I love to push the buttons, and then there is the realization when I realize that I recognize a song and that I like it. Paul and I crawl all over the car, having no car seats then. We crawl into the back, into the front again, and into the trunk through the hatch back. We play and yell and sing, and I figure mama will be young and pretty forever, and it doesn’t matter that my dad isn’t there.
We spend a lot of time with my Grandmother, and she takes us to Sunday school at Crawford St. Baptist. I have a clip on tie, and Paul has a little navy blue blazer that we got from J.C. Penny. My grandmother bought it, and we dress up in our Sunday best and make arts and crafts, and the lady tells us about Jesus and how we should thank him before meals and before bed. We make more crafts, and learn about Noah and all the animals. There are puppet shows, but I am afraid of the puppets, so I try to stay in the back, but that won’t do. The lady who tells us that Jesus loves us pushes me to the front, where I know the puppets can reach me, and crying won’t do any good, because everybody knows your parents are divorced, and you need more religion than anybody. I want to run, but there’s nowhere to go, and anyway, I have to take care of Paul, so I stay and try not to wet my pants when the giant puppets look directly at me.
My dad is supposed to send us money to live on, but he drinks it away and we never see him. There are always fights when he comes to pick us up, although more often than not, he doesn’t show at all. He lives in Waycross too, now, on account of his less-than-honorable discharge from the Army. He and Charlene move back to Waycross, and they live a few miles away. We go to his house sometimes, and we do what we like, and get spankings when we come home, because we don’t want to mind, just having had our run of things for a weekend. My dad would pick us up late, and drop us off late, and my mama would fight with him when he got there, because she could smell the alcohol on his breath and he had been driving drunk again with us in the car.
He would protest his innocence, but my mom would have none of it. She knew what he was like, and he feeble attempts at explaining would do nothing but enrage my mother, who would scream like a banshee in the driveway of our grandmother’s house. We try to stay out of the middle, but it’s hard with warring parents who can’t stand to be around each other, especially when one of them cheated, and it’s his fault all this happened anyway.
Gradually, my dad stopped showing up at all, and my mom remarried, and we lived in a trailer. His name was Carl. Carl was a plumber.
More tomorrow.
Posted by Netsloth at March 31, 2003 01:42 PM | TrackBackA well-written post. I have thought about doing something kind of like this, but I don't always feel like thinking about my childhood. Did writing it out make you feel better?
Posted by: Xkot at April 2, 2003 04:19 AMIt's funny what we remember...and what seems to only come floating up when we least expect it.
Posted by: ezrael at April 2, 2003 06:01 AMYup. It gives me something to write about, and it's not all bad.
Posted by: Netsloth at April 2, 2003 10:53 AMI should clarify that last sentence. The man she married was named Carl, not the trailer into which we moved.
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